Yes, you are afraid, Yes, things are happening quickly. No, you cannot ignore it or turn back time. You are about to become or have become the parent of a preterm baby that needs aggressive medical care.
This is your life now. The panic, the fear, the reliance on others.
You are not alone, though. We wrote this book to help you understand the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit ) and help put you at ease with what is happening. We’ve experienced premature birth four times in our marriage with the worst and best outcomes through 3 decades in the NICU.
Our first son, David, was born at 1 pound 13 ounces in 1987 and passed away during a 2.5 month hospital stay. In 1990, our daughter, Cassie, was born at 1 pound 6 ounces and is now a registered nurse. Coming along in 2008 was our second daughter, Shannon, born at 2 pounds 6 ounces and is in third grade. Our second son Thomas was our last miracle and was born in 2013 at 1 pound 10 ounces and is 3 years old.
We know what you are feeling right now. We know what is making you anxious and fearful.
5 Things You Need To Consider
These are the 5 things you need to consider as you start your NICU journey based on our 3 decade experience with the NICU:
- Recollections: Find a way to record what happens while you’re in the NICU. It could be a paper notebook or a collection of emails like we did, but you are going to need it. It helps you stay focused on your baby and medical care. Also, it helps you understand what has happened as you go through the journey.
- Photos and Video: Take plenty of photos and video. They don’t have to be perfect nor do they have to be exciting. Having a photo or video record of your baby as they go through the NICU experience helps your mental health. Make sure you snag a few comparison shots between your baby and another object; the comparison helps you understand how they are growing.
- Accept Help: A baby in the NICU is going to consume you as a person and you cannot do it alone. You could be the strongest, most focused person in the world, but you will fail if you do not accept help from the people in your life. You are not too proud to do everything you can to ensure your baby’s success, so don’t refuse help.
- Talk to Someone: Eventually, your emotional bucket is going to overrun. The only way to empty it and begin anew is to talk to someone. Your partner, friend, parent, someone. Don’t censor yourself and don’t judge yourself.
- Control: Right now, you are not in control. You won’t be in control until way down the road. The road is not straight, well paved or even finished. It’s going to get curvy, rough and you won’t be able to see the end. The sooner you understand this and accept it, the sooner you’ll find internal peace to handle the upcoming challenges.
The NICU is designed to keep your preterm or seriously ill child alive and foster development. You, the parent, are not a goal of the NICU past the extremely important part you play in your child’s recovery and development. The entire focus on your interaction with the NICU will be on your child. Yes, some accommodations will be made for you and your family, but when it comes to setting rules, guidelines or standards, the babies are the focus.
We start the book where we started our final NICU journey, pre-birth. Given our history, we knew we were destined for an early birth, but just how early and what complications would arise were unknown to us.
Book Format
Each chapter starts with a Daily Status Update we sent to our family and friends to keep them apprised of our situation and is followed by Details and Thoughts of the topics covered to help you while you are in the NICU. The Daily Status Update is shown in italics and is presented unedited, so you can read what was actually sent. The daily status updates are published with spelling, grammatical and usage errors as they were in the emails, so understand they were not edited.
At anytime you need more information, click on an underlined word and it will take you to an external link or the internal glossary.
You are not alone and your child is benefiting from the best care they can possibly receive. You won’t be able to eliminate all your anxiety or fears, but knowing others have gone through the same events can help you cope.